Your Hero Bill Gates

Albuquerque's Geraldine Evans surely had no idea who she was plowing into with her 1971 Chevy. The two nerds in the green Porsche were Microsoft founders Bill Gates (at the wheel) and Paul Allen, according to a New Mexico accident report.

Thankfully, though both cars suffered "heavy damage," the occupants were not seriously injured (and the history of the world was not altered by a messy automotive fatality).


                      Baby Gates

 For the first time in, oh, a decade, I think, something
 from Microsoft shipped on time: Jennifer Katharine Gates,
 weighed 8 pounds 6 ounces when she was downloaded, er,
 born on Friday, April 26 at 6:11 p.m.

 And what do Baby Gates and Daddy's products have in common?

 1. Neither can stand on its own two feet without a LOT of
    third party support.
 2. Both barf all over themselves _regularly_.
 3. Regardless of the problem, calling Microsoft Tech
    Support won't help.
 4. As they mature, we pray that they will be better than
    that which preceeded them.
 5. At first release they're relatively compact, but they
    seem to grow and grow and grow with each passing year.
 6. Although announced with great fanfare, pretty much
    anyone could have produced one.
 7. They arrive in shaky condition with inadequate
    documentation.
 8. No matter what, it takes several months between the
    announcement and the actual release.
 9. Bill gets the credit, but someone else did most of the
    work.
10. For at least the next year, they'll suck.

Prototype of a New Micro$oft Windoze Keyboard.
The Keyboard now contains only the most used keys.

February 1, 2001 Micro$ofts Latest Release
[Latest Fix]

If Micro$oft Designed Compasses.

In Japan, Sony Vaio machines have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful
Micro$oft error messages with their own Japanese HAIKU poetry.
Each only 17 syllables.

A file that big? It might be very useful. But now it is gone.	The Web site you seek Can not be located but Countless more exist.
Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return.	ABORTED effort: Close all that you have worked on. You ask way too much.
Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.	Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that.
First snow, then silence. This thousand dollar screen dies So beautifully.	With searching comes loss And the presence of absence: "My Novel" not found.
The Tao that is seen Is not the true Tao, until You bring fresh toner.	Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is down.
A crash reduces Your expensive computer To a simple stone.	Three things are certain: Death, taxes, and lost data. Guess which has occurred.
You step in the stream, But the water has moved on. This page is not here.	Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, But we never will.
Having been erased, The document you're seeking Must now be retyped.	Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen. Mind. Both are blank.